To become proficient in personal mastery you have to realize that no one or no situation can upset you. You always upset yourself. Every bout of impatience, frustration or anger is self-generated.
The situation you find yourself in, or actions or words of the other person are simply the triggers that bring up the conscious or subconscious fears of your ego, and cause you to either project the venom of your unresolved emotional scars out into the world, or sit nursing your irritation and becoming increasingly grumpy and disconnected. If you want to stop behaving in these ways you need to own your reactions and make yourself accountable for every emotion, feeling and thought that you have.
Please understand this: Nobody ever upsets you. You always upset yourself.
Emotions are the energetic source of all your feelings, and the thoughts and actions that result. Emotions arise from the energy field where the body-mind, the ego-mind, and the soul-mind meet. This is the field where the needs of the body, the needs of the ego, and the needs of the soul interact with each other. Only when needs of the body, the needs of the ego, and the needs of the soul are all being met do we feel a sense of alignment, comfort, fulfilment, and peace.
We need to care for all three sets of needs at the same time because they are energetically linked. Your mood is affected by the quality of your ego-soul alignment, and by the state of your physical body. What you eat, and how fit you are affects the chemical balance of your body, thereby affecting how you feel and your mood. If you want to experience a natural high, get your body, ego and soul into alignment.
The most important lessons to learn from the above are as follows.
Whatever your response or reaction to a situation is, it is always connected in some way to meeting your needs. Even when it appears you are doing something for someone else, you are still trying to satisfy one of your ego or soul needs.
To be successful at personal mastery you have to become responsible and accountable for every emotion, feeling and thought you have. The meaning you give to a situation creates your reality, and the reality you create is a function of your beliefs—particularly your subconscious fear-based beliefs. Two people can experience exactly the same event and react or respond to it in completely different ways. Why? Because they have different beliefs.
A belief is an assumption we hold to be true. It may not be true, but it is what we believe be true at the moment we create our reality. Thus, the meaning you give to a situation is controlled by your beliefs, and your beliefs are based on your past history. Your beliefs are the filters that give meaning to your world. If you have an air conditioner, and you don’t change your filters, you will always be breathing air that is conditioned by the dirt and dust accumulated from the past.
What you believe is happening may not be what is actually happening. It is the meaning that your mind has given to the situation based on your subconscious or conscious beliefs. We never get upset for the reasons we think. What upsets us is what is going on inside our head.
Even if you feel like reacting, the best way to get your needs met is not to react but to find a way to respond.
In addition to understanding the things that undermine who you are, you also need to understand the things that support your: your strengths and unique abilities. These are the foundations on which you can build your future, and support you in becoming fully who you are.
Chapter 8: Personal Consciousness