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  • New Leadership Paradigm

Self-coaching

The goal of personal evolution coaching is to increase your self-knowledge, self-awareness, self-responsibility, and self-management so that you can explore and achieve your full potential. These four abilities are the keys to successful personal evolution:

  • Self-knowledge: The ability to know your motivations in any situation.
  • Self-awareness: The ability to read your emotions, recognise their impact on you and others, and use your feelings to guide your decisions.
  • Self-responsibility: The ability to own your negative as well as your positive emotions; recognise that at some level of your being you created them; understand that your negative emotions represent unmet deficiency needs, and formulate requests in a manner that will enable you to get your needs met more frequently.
  • Self-management: The ability to manage or master your emotions so that you can adapt more readily to changing circumstances, and meet your own needs.

Two of these skills and capabilities—self-awareness and self management—are the skills and capabilities that determine your level of emotional intelligence. When combined with self-knowledge and self-responsibility, these skills and capabilities enable you to achieve personal mastery. 

In my opinion, the best person to support you on your personal evolution journey is you, and your own self-witness. I believe that in the new leadership paradigm, it will be essential for everyone to learn self-leadership skills.

I make this proposal for the following four reasons:

First, you are the best person to coach yourself because you are the one experiencing your feelings. You know more intimately than anyone else what your motivations are in any situation and what is going on inside your mind. 

Second, personal evolution is a life long journey, and therefore it is important to learn how to manage yourself as soon as possible in your life. Once the skills have been learned, they can be a resource that you can all every time you feel out of alignment. 

Third, once you have learned how to be your own self-coach you will have the skills and capabilities you need to coach others in their personal evolution—an essential skill for a new paradigm leader.

Fourth, the principal skill in self-coaching—learning to be your own self-witness—is key to developing your self-transforming mind. Your personal evolution will be accelerated to the degree that you can view your ideas, opinions, and world views objectively rather than using them as a filters to judge everyone else.

There will be times, particularly when you are learning your self-leadership skills, that you may need additional coaching, and there will be times, even when you have become proficient at self-leadership, that you may need expert advice. These are the times you may wish to fall back on the skills and capabilities of a professional coach.

There are three stages involved in learning to be your own self coach that align with the three stages of personal evolution: self-coaching for personal mastery, self-coaching for internal cohesion, and self-coaching for external cohesion. The key self-coaching elements involved in each of these three stages are summarized below.

Self-coaching for personal mastery

  • Release your emotions: If you are noticing any pent up emotional energy or hurt, pause while you allow it to dissipate.
  • Engage your self-witness: Move into the balcony, and observe what happened to you on the dance floor of your life.
  • Identify your feelings: Name your feelings and describe them to yourself in detail. Write down your feelings.
  • Identify your thoughts: Notice what you are thinking and the judgments you are making. Write down your thoughts.
  • Identify your fears: What are the fears that lie behind your thoughts? What are you afraid may happen? Write down your fears.
  • Identify your needs: What needs do you have that are not being met. These needs together with your fears are what are motivating your upset. Write down your needs.
  • Identify your beliefs: Develop a belief statement about what you lack, and what you need.
  • Question your thoughts/beliefs: Differentiate between perception and reality and reshape your thoughts/ and re-evaluate your needs. 

If someone else is involved:

  • Inquire about the needs of the other: Be curious about the other person’s needs. Try to understand what fear-based thoughts may be motivating them—what needs they have that are not being met.
  • Communicate your needs: Identify your needs, and make a request of the other person to see if they are willing to support you in getting your needs met.
  • Dialogue: Take time to hear one another and explore various strategies to meet both of your needs. This takes patience.  You may discover that you are not able to meet one another’s needs.  

Self-coaching for internal cohesion

  • Identify your values: Gain an understanding of what values drive your decision-making and the beliefs and behaviours that support them.
  • Understand your motivations: Get clear and focused on why you do what you do each day, and in particular, your motivation for going to work.
  • Understand your current purpose: Get clear on your most important goals and the outcomes you want to achieve. 
  • Find your mission: Understand and get clear on your life purpose. 
  • Create a vision: Understand and get clear on what outcome you would like to create by following your life purpose.
  • Get aligned with your work: Evaluate to what extent your current work environment supports you in achieving your purpose, mission and vision, and if necessary change it. 

Self-coaching for external cohesion

  • Deepen your self-connection: Develop your intuition and inspiration through reflection, and meditation.
  • Work with other people: Develop your empathy, compassion, humility and wisdom to build partnerships and strategic alliances.
  • Manifest outcomes: Move beyond intention and vision and trust in in the forces of inspiration to provide for your needs.
  • Eleven strategies for staying in the flow: Develop your ability to find long-term fulfilment by staying at the top of your game.
     

Resources

  • References
  • Workbook

TNLP References

Chapter 12: General Practices